| Author |
Message |
Scott Mize
Senior Member
Username: scott_mize_ccs_csi
Post Number: 49
Registered: 02-2009
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 29, 2011 - 10:40 am: |    |
Dear Colleagues:
By now, we've all seen Section 01 3599 - Perforated Pastry Units (or something like it).
If not, go to http://www.mpurdy.com/Pastry%20Spec%20Section%2001%203599.pdf and enjoy.
I'm using it as a training tool to teach some of our newer research assistants about specification-writing. Hopefully, the humor will 'lighten' the subject matter and help hold their interest.
Do any of you have similar 'joke' specifications on other 'products' or 'systems'? Or even a favorite 'gotcha' (like requiring the Contractor to bring an iced-down case of beer to every Architect site visit or subsituting a layer of diamonds for the layer of sand under the concrete slab-on-grade)?
If you do, please consider sharing.
In another thread a couple of weeks ago, someone mentioned some fictional division titles like "Orbital Construction", "Lunar Construction", "Martian Construction", etc. I'd dearly love to see some of those specificatons... |
Chris Grimm, CSI, CCS, SCIPa, LEED AP BD+C, MAI, RLA
Senior Member
Username: tsugaguy
Post Number: 264
Registered: 06-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 29, 2011 - 03:36 pm: | |
Here's one
https://sites.google.com/site/chrisgrimmccs/Cold-WeatherProcedures-Chili.doc |
Tim Werbstein, AIA, CSI, CCS
Senior Member
Username: tim_werbstein
Post Number: 39
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 30, 2011 - 08:03 am: | |
Here's a spec every office needs.
SECTION 013515 - COFFEE, TEA, AND WATER PREPARATION PROCEDURES
Note: This Section uses the term "Office Administrator." Change this term to match that used to identify the proper professional as defined in the General and Supplementary Conditions.
PART 1 - GENERAL
1.1 SUMMARY
A. Section includes making coffee, tea, and other water mixed beverages. The work includes but is not limited to preparation of supplies and equipment, preparation of beverages, and cleanup.
B. Related Work Performed by Others:
1. Provision of supplies and equipment.
2. Trash and waste removal.
3. Complaints and deprecatory comments.
1.2 STANDARDS
A. Comply with all local sanitary ordinances as determined by the Office Administrator.
B. Comply with applicable provisions of OSHA Safety and Health Standards, 29 CFR Part 1910.
1.3 HANDLING OF SUPPLIES AND EQUIPMENT
A. Handle supplies and equipment in accordance with the Office Administrator's and the coffee service company's instructions.
B. Keep supplies grouped together by type in assigned cabinets for each supply. Do not mix supplies in different cabinets.
C. Handle supplies so as to prevent damage or soiling of containers and contents of containers.
D. Don't foul things up, except as authorized by the Office Administrator.
1.4 JOB CONDITIONS
A. Perform the work in accordance with and in spite of the following:
1. General environment of the Office.
2. Employment Agreement (or disagreement)
3. Daily temperament of the Office Administrator.
B. Expect no one before you to have left the kitchen area either clean or orderly.
1.5 WARRANTY
A. The preparation of beverages for the use of others is a warranty by the preparer that no poison or other obnoxious contaminants are contained in the beverage, insofar as the preparer can know.
B. The Office Administrator and Management makes no warranty, express or implied, that the beverages are suitable for human consumption.
PART 2 - PRODUCTS
2.1 SUPPLIES AND EQUIPMENT
A. Management Provided: Supplies and equipment are provided by the Management for use by employees.
1. Orange handled pot is exclusively for hot water, tea, or decaffeinated coffee.
B. Employee Provided: Employees may provide and pay for additional supplies and equipment for beverages of their own choosing, within the following limitations:
1. No beverages in a quantity that would impair optimum performance of work.
2. No making of a sanitary or safety hazard.
3. No liquids consumed by intravenous injection.
2.2 MIXES
A. Coffee: One premixed packet of coffee to 1 measured container of water. If you want stronger coffee, use less water, not part of an additional packet of coffee.
B. Tea: Three bags of tea to 1 measured container of water. Steeping time is left to the individual choice of the preparer.
C. Hot Water: Neat, potable.
D. Other Beverages: Mix in accordance with package instructions or personal preference.
PART 3 - EXECUTION
3.1 INSPECTION AND PREPARATION
A. General: Make every effort to maintain a cheerful and happy appearance and outlook.
B. Use only new supplies and clean equipment for the work.
C. Inspect equipment to ensure that it is clean. If not, clean it yourself, until it shines!
D. Clean out all burned material from pots before use.
E. Prepare beverages in accordance with manufacturer's and coffee service company's printed instructions, except as otherwise specified herein.
3.2 KITCHEN AREA QUALITY CONTROL
A. Wash your hands clean.
B. Dry your hands on a clean towel, not on your clothing.
C. Use a filter paper for all coffee, tea, and hot water preparation.
D. Do not reuse coffee grounds, coffee filters, or tea bags, regardless of how good they may look or smell to you.
E. Do not sweep up spilled items to use. Trash them!
3.3 EXTRA STOCK
A. Courtesy to Others: Make a new pot of beverage before leaving kitchen area whenever less than 1 FULL cup of what you have taken remains.
B. Be willing to make beverages as requested by Management for important occasions such as conferences and good-riddance parties.
3.4 PROTECTION AND CLEANUP
A. When moving pots from one burner to another, turn ON the new burner to keep the moved beverage hot.
B. Do not turn off burners, except at end of day or when directed by the Office Administrator.
C. Clean counter, utensils, and cups whenever dirty and after each use.
D. Leave the kitchen area clean and orderly.
END OF SECTION 013515
Copyright 2005 COFFEE MASTERPROCEDURE 01/05
COFFEE, TEA, AND WATER PREPARATION PROCEDURES
013515 - 1 |
J. Peter Jordan (Unregistered Guest)
Unregistered guest
| | Posted on Thursday, June 30, 2011 - 09:58 am: | |
Some of these need to be closely examined for conformance to the latest CSI SectionFormat; oh, wait, that would be a great exercise for the class. |
Jim Sliff
Senior Member
Username: jim_sliff
Post Number: 69
Registered: 08-2010
| | Posted on Thursday, June 30, 2011 - 11:38 am: | |
A subject near and dear to my heart.
20+ years ago the late Ed Brannen (a great spec writer, and wonderful person...with a sick sense of humor!) and I wrote a gag article for the Orange Peal (OCCSI's newsletter) about "pre-perforated below-grade waterproofing systems" that created demand for a section, which we worked up shortly afterwards (we created a phony company, Dweeb Brothers Consultants; even had business cards printed with our names, no address or phone number - just the line "We'll Call You" - and the motto "When the Truth is not Enough".
I need to dig in my archives...but I think it's long gone. The premise was with so many leaks and finger pointing we suggested perforating the membrane before or during application to reduce failure inspection and legal costs.
It was a precursor to the San Diego Chapter National Convention Committee's early use of "Division 17" and publishing of a section concerning "Convention Hospitality Suites".
Oh, well - I need to clean up my storage area anyway! |
Sheldon Wolfe
Senior Member
Username: sheldon_wolfe
Post Number: 501
Registered: 01-2003
| | Posted on Friday, July 01, 2011 - 12:22 pm: | |
Christmas tree. More details than specs, but similar. |
Scott Mize
Senior Member
Username: scott_mize_ccs_csi
Post Number: 51
Registered: 02-2009
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 05, 2011 - 04:16 pm: | |
Thanks, guys! |
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