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Author Message Jerome J. Lazar, RA, CCS, CSI, SCIP Senior Member Username: lazarcitec Post Number: 361 Registered: 05-2003 Posted on Friday, April 20, 2007 - 03:37 pm:    I don't know why, but this joke made me laugh - its been a long week, I hope it puts a smile on some of the board regulars too: There Are three construction workers at the top of a building having lunch!!!! One is French ,The second is Italian and the third is a polish guy!!!! The French guy opens up his bag and says "Oh man froglegs ,if I have froglegs for lunch one more time I am going to jump off this building" The Italian opens up his bag and says "Oh Man Pizza again , If I have pizza for lunch one more time I am going to Jump tooo!!!!! The Polish guy opens up his bag and says "Oh man peanut butter and jely again , If I have peanut butter and Jelly just one more time I am going to jump tooo!!!" Well the next day the French guy opens his bag and finds froglegs so he jumps!!!!!! The Italian opens his bag and sure enough pizza so he jumps!!!! The polish guy opens his bag and oh no peanut butter and jelly so he jumps too!!!!!! Being that the guys worked together the funeral was held in the same funeral home and the wives got to talking!!!!! The french lady sobbing says if only he would have told me I woud have given him something besides froglegs for lunch!!!!! The Italian lady says I know what you mean and I would have given my Husband something other than pizza for lunch!!!!!!! The Polish Lady sobbing and weeping Says "I just Don't understand???" The other two wives inquiring as "What don't you understand????" The Polish lady says unable to control her tears says "He made his own lunch!!!!!" Lynn Javoroski CSI CCS LEED™ AP SCIP Affiliate Senior Member Username: lynn_javoroski Post Number: 562 Registered: 07-2002 Posted on Friday, April 20, 2007 - 03:52 pm:    If I hear one more Polish joke, I'm going to jump! Jerome J. Lazar, RA, CCS, CSI, SCIP Senior Member Username: lazarcitec Post Number: 362 Registered: 05-2003 Posted on Friday, April 20, 2007 - 04:02 pm:    Humor is always the best medicine - sitting here with an all day migraine, I thought I'dshare some humor with my colleagues: 101 ways you know you’re an architecture student Building Design and Construction 1. ...you know the janitors by name. 2. ...your roommates say "good morning," and you reply "good night." 3. ...you carry a toothbrush in your backpack. 4. ...someone asks you for your phone number and you give them the studio's. 5. ...you start paying rent for your desk space in studio. 6. ...you can't get a ride from 'Campus Cruiser'. 7. ...breakfast is your 5th meal of the day. 8. ...the morning newspaper beats you home. 9. ...'Red Bull' is you favorite drink. 10. ...all of the Christmas gifts you give are wrapped in trace. 11. ...you ask Santa Clause for architecture supplies. 12. ...you ask Santa Clause for a sleeping bag. 13. ...after all of your expenses, you can't afford to pay attention 14. ...you have 3 or more cups of double shot coffee espressos in one night 15. ...you have 3 or more 'Mountain Dews' in one night. 16. ...you hear the same song on the radio 3 or more times in one night. 17. ...the only sleep you get is in your G. E. classes. 18. ...the cars have turned off their headlights. 19. ...construction workers are already working. 20. ...you greet the crew team 21. ...you're dating another architecture student. 22. ...you're in a 6-unit class and it is still not enough. 23. ...you spend more time in studio than in your own bed. 24. ...you spend more time in studio than with your wife. 25. ...your parents are complaining that you're not having enough fun. 26. ...you only leave studio to buy supplies. 27. ...you haven't taken a shower in a week. 28. ...you see showering as a waste of time. 29. ...you've ever dreamt about your models. 30. ...upon hearing 'supermodel', you think of a nicely crafted-foam core model. 31. ...your parents have more of a social life than you. 32. ...your 11-year-old sister has more of a social life than you. 33. ...you consider using broccoli for your models. 34. ...you enjoy hanging out at 'Home Depot'. 35. ...you know all the 24-hour food places in the area. 36. ...your friends get more sleep in one night than you do in one week. 37. ...the streetlights turn off. 38. ...you consider 3AM an early night. 39. ...when you are out at 3AM, and your wife knows where you're at. 40. ..."scoring" involves an X-Acto blade 41. ...everything you eat comes in single serving baggies. 42. ...the idea of a 24 hour 'Kinko's' make's perfect sense 43. ...smoking sounds appealing. 44. ...you're out on Friday nights in studio. 45. ...you don't find out who wins the Presidential Election until Thanksgiving Break, if you get one at all. 46. ...picking up breakfast is the last thing you do before going home. 47. ...the only building on campus with its lights on is your studios'. 48. ...a break consists of moving your car. 49. ...you receive mail in studio. 50. ...you say "It's only midnight- I have plenty of time to finish." 51. ...you confuse sunrise with sunset. 52. ...you ask what time it is, then ask "AM or PM?" 53. ...you strangle your roommate because he said he stayed up late studying. 54. ...you've memorized you favorite vending machine combination item (B6). 55. ...your Friday night is 68 hours long. 56. ...you know how much a cubic foot of concrete weighs (150lbs). 57. ...you slice your finger, and the first thing you think of is if you'll be able to finish your model. 58. ...you understand why architects have glasses and white hair. 59. ...you swear there are only 120 people at USC. 60. ...you know all of these are true, no exaggerations. 61. ...you can listen to all your CD's in one night. 62. ...certain songs remind you of studio. 63. ...you can conceptually compose the food on your plate. 64. ...you think the 'Weekender' happens every weekend. 65. ...upon hearing 'Weekender' you think of studio. 66. ...the 'Shop Cafe' closes when you arrive, and reopens before you leave studio. 67. ...you have to wait for breakfast shops to open. 68. ...you go to 'Taco Bell', and order the "usual", and they understand. 69. ...you use architecture tools to eat. 70. ...you think "X-Acto Blade Throwing" is a sport. 71. ...you only buy groceries once a month. 72. ...you wake up to go to school and you're already there. 73. ...you start wearing all black. 74. ...you carry a sweatshirt to all of your classes. 75. ...you have no life, and admit it. 76. ...you start to critique a radio selection's selection of songs. 77. ...you bring your friends to studio to keep you company. 78. ...you refer to outside studio as the "Real World." 79. ..."going out to eat" is at the 'Shop Cafe'. 80. ...going on a vacation involves going to 'Flax' or 'Pearl'. 81. ...you have memorized every radio commercial that airs after 10PM. 82. ...you confuse today and tomorrow. 83. ...you tell time by when other people leave studio. 84. ...you can write a 6-page term paper by procrastinating. 85. ...you hear "Didn't you wear that yesterday?' followed by "and the day before that?" 86. ...you roommate files a 'Missing Person Report.' 87. ...you count the number of days (not hours) you've been awake. 88. ...you think days are 48 hours long. 89. ...you go to the store to buy a six-pack of 'Red Bull'. 90. ..."Homecoming" happens once a week. 91. ...on Halloween, you dress like your instructors. 92. ...on Halloween you trick-or-treat in studio to get arch supplies or 'Red Bull.' 93. ..."respect", "coolness', and "hatred" are all based on how much sleep you get, or lack of. 94. ...you see your own picture on a milk carton. 95. ...you start using words your instructor uses. 96. ...your bed has collected a layer of dust on it. 97. ...concept of time is not forward, but a countdown from the time a project is due ("What time is it?""4 hours 'till"). 98. ...you contemplate suicide 3 times a day. 99. ...you contemplate dropping your major 3 times a day. 100. ...you have a tent pitched in studio, but still don't go to sleep. 101. ...doing models all night long excites you. Jerome J. Lazar, RA, CCS, CSI, SCIP Senior Member Username: lazarcitec Post Number: 363 Registered: 05-2003 Posted on Friday, April 20, 2007 - 04:05 pm:    Lynn - no offense implied - perhaps we can change it to another nationality, my family is Czech/Romanian and my mom was born in Transylvania so I've heard my share of vampire jokes, including why some think I'm such a blood sucker on a job site. John Regener, AIA, CCS, CCCA, CSI, SCIP Senior Member Username: john_regener Post Number: 287 Registered: 04-2002 Posted on Friday, April 20, 2007 - 04:09 pm:    Regarding ethnic humor --- Some people take offense at ethnic humor, especially when it's their ethnicity that is topic. One way to avoid offending anyone is to change the ethnicity to a people group that died out long, long ago. For example, Hittites. A proper joke would then be: "There were these two Hittites, Sven and Ole ..." Jerome J. Lazar, RA, CCS, CSI, SCIP Senior Member Username: lazarcitec Post Number: 364 Registered: 05-2003 Posted on Friday, April 20, 2007 - 04:13 pm:    Good point John,I'll try and remember that. John Regener, AIA, CCS, CCCA, CSI, SCIP Senior Member Username: john_regener Post Number: 288 Registered: 04-2002 Posted on Friday, April 20, 2007 - 04:35 pm:    ARCHITECTURE TERMS (and what they really mean) Sense of Entry: The front door is big and far away. Human Scale: less than 400 feet tall. Skewed Grid: The design looked too boring with a regular grid. Pedestrian-Oriented: Doesn’t have enough parking. Contextual: Is surrounded by a lot of other buildings the architect couldn’t tear down. Theoretical: Nobody in their right mind would ever consider building the crazy thing. Signature Building: You can’t afford it. Less Is More: The designer ran out of ideas. Classically Proportioned: Traced out of a book of Greek architecture. Postmodern: Traced out of a book of Roman architecture. International Style: No country will take responsibility for it. Deconstructivist: The backhoe ran into it during construction ­- and they liked it. Seismically Designed High Rise: In an earthquake, the structure will not collapse, but will drop all of its glass and stone panels into the street turning pedestrians into a stew-like mush of pureed flesh. Jury: Firing squad. Design Review Board: Failed architecture majors. Architecture Student: Egotistical masochist with no money. Lynn Javoroski CSI CCS LEED™ AP SCIP Affiliate Senior Member Username: lynn_javoroski Post Number: 563 Registered: 07-2002 Posted on Friday, April 20, 2007 - 04:40 pm:    Jerome - not a problem, just thought I'd tease a little. It's actually my husband that's Polish (and Swedish); I'm Irish, Scottish, English and Bohemian. John Regener, AIA, CCS, CCCA, CSI, SCIP Senior Member Username: john_regener Post Number: 289 Registered: 04-2002 Posted on Friday, April 20, 2007 - 04:53 pm:    Jerome: I hope you got it that my response was a joke and not a criticism. James M. Sandoz, RA, CSI, CDT, LEED AP Senior Member Username: jsandoz Post Number: 9 Registered: 06-2005 Posted on Friday, April 20, 2007 - 04:58 pm:    John, as someone who has been married to a Norwegian-American (therefore, also a member of her large extended family) for almost twenty-three years, I can tell you what you must already know: that group has a great sense of humor about themselves. When you realize how beautiful their homeland is you can understand why they can laugh at their own foibles so readily. They must believe they have already seen Heaven and any of life's aggravations just do not overshadow that. Lynn Javoroski CSI CCS LEED™ AP SCIP Affiliate Senior Member Username: lynn_javoroski Post Number: 564 Registered: 07-2002 Posted on Friday, April 20, 2007 - 05:04 pm:    Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments. - Isaac Asimov, scientist and writer (1920-92) Ron Beard CCS Senior Member Username: rm_beard_ccs Post Number: 191 Registered: 10-2002 Posted on Friday, April 20, 2007 - 05:17 pm:    What is the difference between a doctor and an architect? Doctors get to bury their mistakes. J. Peter Jordan Senior Member Username: jpjordan Post Number: 233 Registered: 05-2004 Posted on Friday, April 20, 2007 - 11:07 pm:    Those of us from Texas know that Polish jokes are really Aggie jokes where the ethnic reference has replaced the institution-of-higher-learning reference out of deference to ... well, we never change the reference .... (some of my best friends and a lot of my family are Texas Aggies) Ronald L. Geren, RA, CSI, CCS, CCCA, SCIP Senior Member Username: specman Post Number: 445 Registered: 03-2003 Posted on Saturday, April 21, 2007 - 12:55 am:    Sorry to hear that, Peter. :-) Ralph Liebing, RA, CSI Senior Member Username: rliebing Post Number: 599 Registered: 02-2003 Posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 - 07:14 am:    What in the name of heaven is an "AGGIE"? We only have Buckeyes up here! Lynn Javoroski CSI CCS LEED™ AP SCIP Affiliate Senior Member Username: lynn_javoroski Post Number: 565 Registered: 07-2002 Posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 - 08:29 am:    Well, if you lose some aggies, you've lost some marbles. What do you lose if you lose buckeyes? David R. Combs, CSI, CCS, CCCA Senior Member Username: davidcombs Post Number: 228 Registered: 08-2004 Posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 - 08:45 am:    Texas A&M Aggies: Aggie = Ag-E = Agricultural Engineer (They have a great architectural and building construction sciences program, too, by the way). Dave Metzger Senior Member Username: davemetzger Post Number: 192 Registered: 07-2001 Posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 - 08:46 am:    the national championship football game Don Harris CSI, CCS, CCCA, AIA Senior Member Username: don_harris Post Number: 135 Registered: 03-2003 Posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 - 08:48 am:    Heard the joke before using "Redneck" as the punch line instead of Polish. Doug Frank FCSI CCS Senior Member Username: doug_frank_ccs Post Number: 183 Registered: 06-2002 Posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 - 08:53 am:    Saint Peter is at his podium outside the pearly gates of heaven, monitoring new arrivals. Waiting their turn on a bench nearby are a Nun, a Minister, and a Lawyer. The three had been waiting for some time and they, especially the lawyer, we beginning to be a bit frustrated by the wait. Shortly, a man carrying a “T Square” walks past and goes directly through the Gates without even pausing to speak to Saint Peter. The Lawyer became incensed and stormed up to Saint Peter demanding to know why he had to sit and wait while an Architect got to go right in. Saint Peter replied “That wasn’t an architect. That was God. He just thinks he’s an architect!” (Unregistered Guest) Unregistered guest Posted on Friday, April 20, 2007 - 06:44 pm:    Thanks, I needed that today. Re: 101 ways - from what little I saw of the Archs, that's 100%. Also, corollary: If you swear there's more than 3 women at your tech school... (I was Civil) (and yes, I am, thank you) Re: ARCHITECTURE TERMS - Seismically Designed High Rise: LOL - it's just as well the office is empty now... Jerome J. Lazar, RA, CCS, CSI, SCIP Senior Member Username: lazarcitec Post Number: 365 Registered: 05-2003 Posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 - 11:05 am:    Lynn - how's this for an update: There Are three construction workers at the top of a building having lunch!!!! One is French ,The second is Italian and the third is a former IRS agent (failed to pass IRS smartness exam)!!!! The French guy opens up his bag and says "Oh man froglegs ,if I have froglegs for lunch one more time I am going to jump off this building" The Italian opens up his bag and says "Oh Man Pizza again , If I have pizza for lunch one more time I am going to Jump tooo!!!!! The former IRS agent opens up his bag and says "Oh man peanut butter and jely again , If I have peanut butter and Jelly just one more time I am going to jump tooo!!!" Well the next day the French guy opens his bag and finds froglegs so he jumps!!!!!! The Italian opens his bag and sure enough pizza so he jumps!!!! The former IRS agent opens his bag and oh no peanut butter and jelly so he jumps too!!!!!! Being that the guys worked together the funeral was held in the same funeral home and the wives got to talking!!!!! The french lady sobbing says if only he would have told me I woud have given him something besides froglegs for lunch!!!!! The Italian lady says I know what you mean and I would have given my Husband something other than pizza for lunch!!!!!!! The wife of the former IRS agent sobbing and weeping Says "I just Don't understand???" The other two wives inquiring as "What don't you understand????" The wife of the former IRS agent says unable to control her tears says "He made his own lunch!!!!!" Lynn Javoroski CSI CCS LEED™ AP SCIP Affiliate Senior Member Username: lynn_javoroski Post Number: 566 Registered: 07-2002 Posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 - 11:10 am:    LOL! Did you hear the one about the Hittites who bought a bunch of used septic tanks? Once they learn to drive them, they're going to invade Canaan. Jerome J. Lazar, RA, CCS, CSI, SCIP Senior Member Username: lazarcitec Post Number: 366 Registered: 05-2003 Posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 - 11:26 am:    My favorite T-shirt: "Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription and remove me from your mailing list"....my IRS attorney (a former IRS agent) did not laugh the first time I wore it to a meeting, now he wants one - shows if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at. Lynn Javoroski CSI CCS LEED™ AP SCIP Affiliate Senior Member Username: lynn_javoroski Post Number: 567 Registered: 07-2002 Posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 - 11:35 am:    Reminds me of "God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh" (forget who said it)...we certainly all have reason to laugh at ourselves! Jim Brittell Senior Member Username: jwbrittell Post Number: 38 Registered: 08-2004 Posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 - 11:39 am:    Doug, Here's a variation that I heard in my long-lost youth, growing up in the cheesehead state: There was an old man who had never seen a football game in his entire life. A friend offered to take him to a game, with seats on the 50-yard line. Alas, on the day of the game, the man passed away. While he was speaking with St. Peter, he asked if he could go back just long enough to see the game. St. Peter said, “I’m afraid we can’t do that. But don’t worry; we have football games here in Heaven. I’ll take you to one. And in Heaven, all seats are on the 50-yard line.” So they go to the game. St. Peter is pointing out all the old great football players that have died and are playing in Heaven, and the man asks, “Who’s that guy with the big “L” on his sweatshirt?” St. Peter rolls his eyes and responds, “Oh, that’s God – he thinks he’s Vince Lombardi.” Ronald L. Geren, RA, CSI, CCS, CCCA, SCIP Senior Member Username: specman Post Number: 446 Registered: 03-2003 Posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 - 12:02 pm:    Probably best located in the contract administration area; but here it goes: A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man below says: "Yes you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field between 40 & 41 degrees latitude and 120 and 124 degrees West longitude." "You must be an Architect," says the balloonist. "I am" replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of absolutely no use to me and I still don't know where I am." The man below says, "You must be a contractor." "Well yes" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well", says the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've made a promise that you can't keep, but now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in the same position as you were before we met, but now it's my fault." Lynn Javoroski CSI CCS LEED™ AP SCIP Affiliate Senior Member Username: lynn_javoroski Post Number: 568 Registered: 07-2002 Posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 - 12:12 pm:    Jim - doesn't every football fan think they are Vince Lombardi? Nathan Woods, CCCA, LEED AP Senior Member Username: nwoods Post Number: 200 Registered: 08-2005 Posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 - 12:15 pm:    I sent the balloon joke to a contractor friend of mine a few years ago. His response was classic and I've saved it to this day: "What this story fails to indicate is that the architect gave him the directions for how to operate the balloon. Plus the color of the balloon was changed so he had to repaint it five times. Now all the extra paint is weighing him down, throwing his navigational system off." Jim Brittell Senior Member Username: jwbrittell Post Number: 39 Registered: 08-2004 Posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 - 12:56 pm:    Lynn - Heavens, no! That would be sacrilege! ;-) Nathan - My response to contractors is, "That's why you get the big bucks..."